Mamas, Dont Let Your Baby Grow Up To Be...

Parents these days are ridiculous. Clown shoes. ludicrous. absurd.

I was trudging uphill through Golden Gate Park, towing a wagon stuffed with my 31 pound progeny, a picnic and half of the known universe while on my cell trying to get directions... As i hung up the phone and swore. I don't remember if it was 'fuck' or 'shit' or 'cunt.' It doesn't even matter. This nine year old girl who was walking a good 20 feet in front of me turned around and gave me a stare like i killed her puppy. she runs up to the safety over her mother who also turns around and looks at me with flames of furious menopause. My response to her?

"Turn around."

In this day and age, no tween should be horrified by swear words. And its not like I was shouting at the top of my lungs either. I'm all about keeping kids their age in these times of accelerated maturation. But if a kid that old hasn't heard a solid 'fuck' in their day than we have a problem Houston.

Parents are coddling their kids folks. This crap is a symptom of the pendulum swinging in the other direction; the accelerated maturation had led some parents to over protect their children. No tv, no meat, no swearing, no public school, no violence, no jumping off the couch... no 'no.' You have to understand that as a mother I firmly believe that we have to take an independent look at every aspect of life and decide how we're going to raise our children. Some of these aforementioned things are good to limit, are good to moderate. What many parents fail to understand is the product of their decisions can also debilitate their kids. Who would chose to be the dorky pale kid who doesn't know how to hold a bat in PE or cant eat the birthday cupcakes in class because their parents don't allow them processed sugar. Or how about getting to high school or college and never sitting in a room of your peers. I know the world is mean and scary and as parents we need to protect our kids, but more importantly we need to prepare them for the world to come. If you don't do this, you are seriously disservicing the next generation.

nooches.

So if your kid wants a Slurpee once in her life, give her the effing Slurpee. If you're boy wants to watch some MMA, let him- its his natural instinct. Don't be a tool, let a s-bomb fly and don't apologize for it. Shit happens.

PS: How would a nine year old know what 'cunt' meant anyway.... huh??

Suggestion Box

Since the birth of Hamas in 1967 the Palestinian-Israeli conflict has seen much blood spilled. This seemingly unsolvable conflict plagues every nation in the world as their war perpetuates our wars because what is war for, except to fight over god (yes, lower case god) and control of land and women. Many have tried, few have seen a limited success... what can we do to create peace in these territories? Send over Jon and Kate. Yes, pack up the nanny and the eight brats and send em to the Middle East. Include their paparazzi, send Kate to cry in a berka on tv, give Jon a few women- fuck, give him a nice mix of Jew and Muslim hotties. Just as this train wreck of a family has captivated and annoyed the American people it will jolt the Israelis and Palestinians too. Their conjoined interest and annoyance may give em a common ground to share.

"Dimitri, did you see how Kate totally just cut Jon's balls off because he couldn't put together the swing set?!"
"i know Ahmed, right?? What a bitch!"


Maybe they can see that they're like Jon and Kate... in a situation where nobody is winning and the children suffer the most. Everyone needs to take of their Ed Hardy, change their tampons and see that we're all people with needs.

What the fuck is the internet??

Starting a blog, starting a blog. I tried to come up with a thought out theme for my blog, something to attract joe six pack or mary mabelline in to my licentious stories and tales... but i got nothing. i'm going to use this bitch to get shit off my tits and share with you the ridiculousness that seems to surround me. I'm a jaded citizen, a underestimated lover, a mother by chance, a paper pusher, a constant learner.... and before all of these a thrall I'm not. so open up your mind let me crawl inside and see what i can find...


Rated R for Realistic Language and Real Life Situations.