Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn

As the office here at BooBoo has become a little less stifling today, I am finally able to get back to you loves. There is a lot of good thing bubbling here, 2010 feels like tis’ going to be a good one.

Winter solstice this year came and went, and with its departure it really feels as if the rebirth of spring and the consequent summer hold moments of rebirth for Mama BooBoo. Like everything meaningful in ones life, a certain movie found its way back to me recently. This is a not so little ditty about the end of the Golden Age of the South, how revolution tears down and builds up a woman who is far beyond her years. Not mature by any means, Ms. Scarlett O’Hara mulches the feminine standards of her time leaving a path of destroyed men and marriages unapologetically. Manipulative, charming, beautiful and righteous she does what she wants and get what she wants at the expense of anyone who stands in her way (purposely or accidentally). This strong animus that stands firm and strong has only one Achilles heel… Ashley Wilkes. The blonde and modest man is the only one Scarlett will abide to, her love for him is in essence the carrot she chases after throughout the whole film… The last fifteen minutes of this 222 minute film holds the revelation that breaks her, revealing the startling truth that she never truly loved Ashley- but loved the idea of Ashley. Without question she pulls herself around 180 degrees to run to the only man she truly loved, Rhett Butler. It is too late; Rhett has abandoned her because of her lifelong affair with Mr. Wilkes. Determined as ever, Scarlett declares to recapture Rhett’s heart in the last line of the film, “After all, tomorrow is another day!”

I’ve seen this film, in all its nearly four hours of glory, at least ten times over the course of my life. This time though, I saw something very different in the film I had never seen before. There was something more personal and very similar between myself and Ms. O’Hara. Her blind love for Ashley had survived the destruction of their way of life, her numerous marriages to other men and his envious marriage to a paragon of a wife Melanie. This love distracted her from the one man who was her true match. I’m not frightened that my “one true match” is gone… bullshit, I don’t even know if that one true blah-blah business is relevant. What I am contemplating is if it’s possible to have been caught up in the idea of loving this image so long that I have diverted what could have been happiness in my life and relationships. My Ashley Wilkes is an honest and good man; regardless of space and time between us he seems to occupy a certain part of my energetic space. At the drop of a hat I would do anything if he asked, as he would have my back unconditionally. Regardless of where we’ve been over the last decade plus of our lives we always find our way back to each other in some beautiful way or another. Yet I’ve never had all that I wanted with him, even when in each others arms I’ve always known we’d have to part. He and I are headed towards crossing paths again and I wonder what to do….

Should I heed to the Scarlett prophecy and leave him, as I never have truly loved the man but loved his idea and the dance we have made over the many years? Do I let that lovely feeling continue to give this man my loving energy?

Mama is going to just feel it out, give ‘er this last chance. In part of healing and growth it is absolutely necessary to remove the people, things and times that distract the glorious possibilities of your path.

Ashley, you should have told me years ago that you loved her and not me, and not left me dangling with your talk of honor. But you had to wait till now, now when Melly's dying. To show me that I could never be any more to you than, than this Watling woman is to Rhett ... And I've loved something that doesn't really exist. Somehow, I don't care. Somehow, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter one bit.