a dingo stole my baby!!

Every week there is a new story on the news about some poor woman who has her infant or unborn child stolen, with the high probability of her being assaulted if not killed for said child. Bellies slit, heads bashed and babies snatched in to the night by the unknown. That unknown ain’t so unknown anymore. It’s crazy white women stealing the babies. What the fuck mein. I know this first hand.

True story:

When I was carrying my youngest child I took the MUNI (read: street/subway car) to and from work. On my way home one afternoon I took a call from a dear friend and was having a conservative quiet conversation regarding my pregnancy. Completely unsolicited and without any cause in the conversation, a young professional white woman standing near by jumped in my face.

“I’ll take your baby,” she cried, “I’ve always wanted a child and I’d love to help you out!”

The blonde maniac was smiling across her face and had a look in her eye once worn by kamikaze pilots and Benzedrine -upped Nazis.

“Um, no. No thank you…” I would have been backing up but I was seated on a moving train.

“It’ll be fine, I’ll take good care of your baby-“ said Blondie clutching her uterus in an attempt to somehow will my child in to her body.

I had to interrupt her.

“Listen lady I said nothing about not wanting my child, now go away and leave me alone. Don’t make me get my pepper spray.”

I didn’t have any pepper spray but it did the trick. Nut-job walked towards the nearest door and stood silently waiting for her stop with a face on her like I skinned her puppy. She got off in a few stops. My friend who was on the phone heard the entire transaction and was cracking up laughing in disbelief. Yes, all of this really happened.

What the hell is wrong with the white women. You don’t see black women or asian women or hispanic women stealing babies and harming their mothers. What is it that would cause an individual to become so desperate that such atrocities seemed like a good idea?

Perhaps there is so much pressure in society on women to have it all, to have the perfect life, that when they cannot produce a child they would rather murder, maim and kidnap than fail their faux expectations. Perhaps there is now a generation of women who are so desperate to keep a relationship without the proper emotional tools to do so that they’d fake a pregnancy to keep a man around. Maybe its plain loneliness, life has left these women with no trust, love or friendship and they believe the only answer is a child. Who really knows why the crazies do anything.

Moral of the story is protect your infants and be smart about things. Its soooo tres chic to announce your child’s arrival with a lawn sign- but that nearly invites in the next crazy white woman to drive by to steal your bundle. Shit, those signs even indicate boy or girl, height and weight. Handy, it allows the Nut-job to shop for the flavor of infant she’s looking for. If you’re at home alone with your dear baby, don’t answer the door unless you’re expecting someone. Don’t walk away from your cart at the store leaving your pocito chico more than an arms length away. All this sounds paranoid but all of these things have caused babies to disappear and mothers to be harmed. How much can we be paranoid about, that’s an individual’s decision. As far as Mama BooBoo is concerned- whenever I’m out with my piece or out with my friends and their kids I keep a close watch on all the white women. Those are some tricky bitches.

Side note: Back in June I went to the aquarium with some friends, and I swear- the crazy blondie was there. With a man and a baby. Either she fixed her plumbing and popped one out or successfully snatched someone else’s. One less crazy white bitch off the streets.